Some Thoughts At Weekend

Usually Derick goes to school in the morning, during that free time I would read a magazine and hear some musics to peace my mind. But nowadays I kept on thinking about a term: SACRIFICE. I can't help thinking about how much I have sacrificed for my son.
1. Time
From preggy up to date, I had spent overall 3 years for HIM.
2. Money
How much have I missed out to earn, no AWS, employees' benefits, etc.
3. Position in the company
I visited my ex-company and colleagues last month, some of them had been promoted to Supervisor. Once I want to go back there to work, I still have to start from the beginning line.
4. Study
My study was on and off till now.

Sometimes when I brought Derick out, some aunties or friends would ask me when I plan to conceive my #2. Please...please... if you met me, I beg you, don't ask me such a question. I HATE IT. Who don't want to deliver #2 to bring kinship to #1? Who wants the large age gap between #1 and #2? Even though my mom was asking the same question, I would tell her directly, if I give birth to my #2 kid, do you want to help me babysitting him/her?

Yeah...I really have sacrificed so much for Derick, but I never regret it. I see him so adorable. He has been growing pretty well. If he had been on the other hands of care, I doubt whether he would appear as he is TODAY.

I am still not ready to sacrifice the above four points for my #2. Maybe you will ask me why I don't employ the maid to do babysitting? I would say, probably I CAN'T accept it. Actually I am a perfectionist, that way I would worry much about why the maid doesn't treat my baby like this way or that way. Consequently, BLAME MYSELF. I can only pursue one thing at a time and then sacrifice another for awhile.